HMRC wants DJs to pay tax on free drink tickets

In a move described as “technically logical but spiritually sad,” HMRC is reportedly looking into taxing DJs on free drink tickets received at gigs.

The UK’s tax authority is said to be exploring whether complimentary drinks count as taxable benefits, in what insiders describe as an effort to “find literally suck any remainder of fun or money out of the country.”

One spokesperson explained, “We’re thinking about sending a government agent to each gig every night, just to monitor how many drink tickets are issued. We estimate this could generate up to 37p extra per evening, which would make it worthwhile, we haven't done the numbers yet, but we're excited.”

DJs, meanwhile, have argued that a free drink ticket should be considered a gift. The government disagrees, suggesting that “all gifts, including two vodka Red Bulls and a warm Red Stripe, should be declared on self-assessment.”

One DJ, who claims he has never been paid and has never received a free drink ticket, expressed frustration. “You can check my records, you won’t find anything. I’ve been operating at a complete loss since 2006. You’ll never catch me.”

HMRC has not confirmed whether they will also begin auditing guestlists, vibes, or “exposure.”