SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMONS ADMIT THEY'RE 'GETTING PRETTY TIRED THEMSELVES'

The sleep paralysis demon community, fresh off a period of viral social media fame, has admitted that the relentless schedule is beginning to take its toll.

"Yeah, you know what? We're getting pretty tired, to be fair," said one demon, who has been at the vanguard of keeping people awake since the acid house boom of the nineties. "It's been fun. It's been ALOT of fun. But when do we get some shut eye?"

The fundamental problem, the demon explained, is one of logistics.

"We're awake when you're awake. When you go to sleep, then we show up... we're awake again! So we never really get a chance to have a sleep ourselves. It'd be really nice to have a holiday somewhere, preferably somewhere without a bed, I'm sick of staring at them, just have a bit old relax. Nobody ever thinks about us."

The demon, who asked to remain nameless, reflected on simpler times.

"Our job used to be easy in the 90s. We'd just haunt people on three-day speed benders who weren't sure if they were awake or asleep. They'd call it The Fear. Made you feel really good being described as The Fear, you know? Bit of pride in the job."

He paused.

"Couple of people got sectioned, which actually made our lives easier. When they're tied to the tables we didn't have to perform the whole paralysis part, so we could save our energy. It was a nice little break. Now everyone's got a bloody TikTok about us and expectations are through the roof."

One victim who has been terrorised by sleep paralysis demons for several years said he would welcome the break.

"Honestly? I'd be thrilled. It's been horrific being haunted while paralysed. You'd think maybe they'd go to a rave or do something else for fun at night. But yeah, overall I'm chuffed with the news."

A sleep paralysis demon, upon hearing this response, issued a sharp reply.

"Oh, want us to go away, do you? Well, that's it. We're going nuclear. We're going double time now. We are going to F*&^ your s^*t up, your sleep schedule that is."